The new obstacles

Okay, so here are the obstacles that have been confirmed by Inui's Twitter for Sasuke 31:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602693337385046017

So, for our first obstacle, we're bringing back the classic Barrel Climb. Personally, I don't really love this one as the start, I think Quintuple Step to Tarzan Rope is way more fun. This one is only fun when people realized they are screwed, lies down and pretty much accepts death. I know it's a classic, but still ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602693975087026176

I can't believe the TACKLE MACHINE is back!? Of all fucking obstacles? This one was in like half a competition back in the 90s, and I just assumed that we all moved on a pretended it was never a thing. But nope, it's back. It does not really fit well into the first stage, you know ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694315194777601

There's supposed to be a third new obstacle on first stage, but so far no one seems to know what that is. I didn't really understand this tweet, but running it through Google Translate made it a little more coherent:

"New third area, "Music Box" was scattered forgot to take photos w

I'm sorry"

My guess is this means the third new first stage obstacle is called Music Box. I know what this means!!!

You know I'm right.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694590068445184

I googled "Salmon Radar", but all I found was this:

Source: http://www.radomes.org

Which means that they're either going golfing (I guess Shingo and Hioki would be happy to hear that!) or they're brining back the Big Boulder:

Source: http://sasukepedia.wikia.com/wiki/%C5%8Cdama

This doesn't seem right. Let's see what Google translate has to say:

"2nd Stage minor renewed salmon ladder to climb and down."

Ooohhh, another Salmon Ladder that you climb up and down. That actually sounds a lot more reasonable, now that you mention it ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694986333704192

Here's something brand-new:  a third stage obstacle called the Sidewinder! I think you grab onto a penis and swing across, but I'm not sure. Unless you spin on them and them jump, but they seem way too far apart for that.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602705993487650816

Here we see that we start with the Drumhopper before getting to Siderwinder. That's cool, I really like the Drumhopper. It's exactly the kind of shit I'm expected from Sasuke third stage.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602695617337380864

And I don't know about you guys but I've always felt the Vertical Limit was waaay too easy, so naturally adding a sideways jump was the only way to go. Like. Of course. Especially after the Crazy Cliffhanger - the obstacle I think they wanted gone because it was too hard??? This makes sense.

Also, notice how the CCH has water underneath it instead of fire, I'm gonna take that as the final proof that I didn't win that obstacle contest ...

Actually ... does any of these obstacles look like something we were shown in that broadcast? I can't find them among my screencaps at least.

Oh, well, we'll have to wait until the broadcast I guess. Until then - sayonara ninja lovers!

What happens on Sasuke, stays on Sasuke ... apparently

Sasuke 31 is over! If I hadn't had Eurovision to worry about (FUCK YEAH SWEDEN), I don't think what I would've done with myself this weekend. Twitter has been way too silent, if you're asking me, but at least we know a few thing. Such as the running order for the contestants, which can be found here in Japanese, or partly translated here. Us hipsters are very happy to see the cute guy Matachi Ryo as #100, though we are also upset that some of our faves are missing entirely, like Wakky, Kinnikun, Lee En-Chih and Mr Octopus Man.

But, our very own Swedish ninja Alexander Mars got #84, which is cool. We are of course hoping he did well, and I did stalk down this pic of him in front of final stage:

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3BjdhOxOAT/

The only American we like Drew Drechsel also took a bunch of selfies, which is not something that can be said for any of the other ninjas. Excuse you!? I refuse to believe there wasn't a single selfiestick present, and I can only assume these are being kept from us for some devious reason. So not fetch.

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3CLm0JC1Pj/

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3CLWgAi1Ow/

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3DG0W1C1Ei/

Since Drew is the only one delivering on the selfie front I'll cheer a little extra for him when I finally get to watch the competition.

Source: https://twitter.com/hanaisensehi/status/602723569240379392

Oh, and Inui retweeted these two. I don't know who they are (except one is an atlethe?), but they look awesome and dare I dream about a girl clearing first stage again???

Here are some more official tweets from the competition:

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602160815383285760

The new start line! And apparently they were up until 2 pm... wait that's not right. I'm assuming it's actually 2 am. People were apparently happy, so good for them!

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602404114492837888

For this we can conclude that they did first and second stage during the first day, and then had to wait until it was dark the second day to finish filming the last two stages.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602408610820280320

As far as I know Sasuke is usually filmed during one day, but here it's explained that it's been split into two days for safety reasons. I guess that isn't as hardcore, but it's not as third and final stage would EVER be easy, even with some rest beforehand...

Source: https://twitter.com/cocona201345/status/602434769016655872

While everyone talked about the next day of filming, Shingo tweeted about his newly opened gym. Does this mean he wasn't there the second day, or is he just trying to throw us off???

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602442549106647041

Third stage! At least we know someone got there. Actually ...

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602528383054950401

It seems confirmed that someone even reached final stage! I can't even begin to list the people I want there, but Asa and Ryo are high on the list (especially Asa. I will cry if he doesn't make it past the crazy cliffhanger this year) ... and let's be real, I would love for Alexander Mars to get there too, but fuck if I think he will. The Swedish Ninja Warrior course just isn't enough preparation for Sasuke.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602552757388648449

And then it was over! Out of nowhere. It seems to have gone well, and even if we don't know if someone will Kanzenseiha (no I don't think that's a verb, no I don't care) this year, we will get to see all four stages which is AWESOME.

Inui also tweeted about some of the new obstacles, but you'll have to wait for my post on those until tomorrow. There are rumors floating around saying Sasuke 31 will be broadcast on July 1st, but as far as I can tell that's not confirmed yet. We will keep you posted!

Until then ... sayonara ninja lovers!

Sasuke 31: Tokyo audition

With absolutely no warning or heads-up at all, the Tokyo audition took place this morning. Well, it was morning for me, at least, I think maybe midday in Tokyo. Anyway, they could have given us a hint or something, and not just flung this at me first thing I see when I wake up. This is the kind of thing my fangirl heart can't handle.

Anyway, this means it's time for another round of what-the-fuck-is-Bing-translate-trying-to-tell-me, our favourite game!

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586692612163108864

Okay, so good auditions in Tokyo, I get that. And "Done within SASUKE Holy Green Mountain Studio", sounds like it's actually happening at the Midoriyama Studio, aka where they are shooting Sasuke. Midoriyama means Green Mountain, which I'm sure you all know and I'm also sure you're all laughing at the Americans for calling Final Stage Mt. Midoriyama. RIGHT? (Shout-out to Sweden for at least dropping the unnecessary "mount"-prefix)

Anyway, muscles gathered in Osaka? Sounds ... nice.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586693048437837824

Wait, A COHERENT TWEET? I thought that was just a myth! Anyway, the set-up with the yellow placeholders look the same as they did in Osaka, so that's nothing new.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586696552422342656

Okay, what? Come on, Bing, that's not even a sentence! Running it through Google Translate gives "SASUKE2015 Tokyo audition Or wonder there are any Muscles" which is only slightly more coherent. It was followed by this exchange between Inui Masato and Yamamoto Shingo which had me laughing by the end of it:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586696552422342656

...not because it's actually funny, but because I was like ???? and then "sounds reasonable to me" appears and I'm like no it doesn't. Google says "you anyway blame variety preparation" but that doesn't make any more sense. All we can say for certain is they talked about something and apparently it made sense to Shingo. Good for him!

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586733402738442240

Wow hot air push-ups! I've never heard of one of those before, but oh well. Are the guys sitting down waiting their turn or did they simply give up? I have no idea.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586742658908815360

Then Inui tweeted this artwork, which I'd like to name "A public reminder that you can't buy this DVD outside of Japan and will never get to enjoy it". It's a sad artwork. And, I can't help but think that this is a very random assortment of people to feature??? Maybe that's just me ...

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586770767737532417

YES I DEFINITELY WANT SOME HOT SASUKE LOVE FROM THE MUSCLE OF 79 PEOPLE. Like, I'm so here for that all day every day.

(Google translates this to exactly the same thing, so yeah, this is probably what it means. Does it mean 79 people made it to the second interviews? I don't care, I want the hot Sasuke love)

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586880039041413120

Thanks for sticking around-blah blah. Based on the time of the tweets it seems the Tokyo auditions took a lot longer than the Osaka ones?

Source: https://twitter.com/bitansanyuka/status/586881535300673537

Lastly, this tweet with a video from someone who I thiiiink just works with Sasuke somehow? That's what I'm getting from her profile. I think the tweet is telling us that the video is a 6 x original speed ... or people in Japan get freaking weird when they do push-ups. Here it is:

あとで公式にもあげよーっと。 私の渾身の動画！6倍速！！ 今からTBSに帰ります☆今日はSASUKEの東京オーディションにお越しくださり、ありがとうございました！ pic.twitter.com/pRpj3DH5Qn
— ★ぽんゆか★ (@bitansanyuka) April 11, 2015

Aaaand that's what you missed on Twitter this morning! I have no idea what more auditions might happen, but I'll be here and Bing translate will be here, to recap it for you.

Sasuke 31 Osaka audition

Soooo, the Osaka auditions for Sasuke 31 happened on Saturday, making it an actual reality that's going to happen. I can only sum up our feelings on this tumblr style, if you'll allow me:

Well, if you - for some bizarre reason - don't obsessively stalk Sasuke people on Twitter to get the latest (badly translated) news, then I am here to keep you updated.

We got some tweets from the official Sasuke_tbs account, WITH PICS. OMG. Have a look at this:

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584147045327347712

I really need to learn Japanese. I mean, this translation was at least coherent, but from the pics I kinda could've guessed what was going on anyway ...

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584160907351101440

...you know what, Bing? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you just gave me the wrong translation. But you're not entirely wrong, because I guess we CAN see the muscle in the audition room.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584174898718773248

If anyone who speaks Japanese reads this and can inform me what that tilted smiley face letter means, I'll be eternally grateful. And if someone wants to work fulltime as the Sasuke Hipster translator, we could probably pay you in gifs or something.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584198892503207936

I, too, AM SUCH A FEELING AFTER SEEING THIS. I don't know what you do with those yellow bars, but after seeing this tweet from Inui Masato (the director of Sasuke) with a video, I'm gonna guess that you do push-ups while, um, staring at them. Oki, I guess they're place markers or something:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/584212803101143040

SASUKE31回大会 大阪オーディション 山田勝己の腕立てふせ なう pic.twitter.com/uU965UjYhs

— 乾 雅人 (@inuimasato) April 4, 2015

Hopefully you'll see the video when I post this, otherwise you can watch it at the source tweet. And YES, that means Mr Sasuke was there!! We're happy, because the last thing we heard was that he was banned from Sasuke forever, and that would've been sad. According to my sources (aka what I've read at the Sasukemaniac forum, I don't have any sources ... yet) he wasn't there to audition for himself though (even though Bing translate certainly makes it sound that way), just cheering on his Black Tigers team-thingy. But that's nice of him!

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584213481877970944

Okay, yeah, this tweet from two minuets later definitely makes it sound more like he was just there for moral support, and did some push-ups just for fun. You know, AS YOU DO.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584233943647420416

We don't know who were lucky enough to be interviewed in those chairs, but let's hope they did well.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/584286498091966464

Three hours (!?) later it was over. Don't worry though, we saw some other things worth noting that was posted by Inui afterwards:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/584321325394632704

ASA!! Asa isn't on Twitter, and he doesn't seem to hang out much with those who are, so it was nice to see him. Also because I had personally become a bit worried he might've gone all domestic and decided to spend time with his girlfriend instead of doing Sasuke, but, eh, that might just be me being paranoid ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/584321325394632704

This was followed by a long discussion with Kanno that I didn't understand at all, because as I said BING TRANSLATE LEAVES A LOT TO WISH FOR. Google Translate is slightly better, but I mean, I don't have time to run every single tweet through that, I have a life, you know (lol no I don't).

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/584336723854757888

This was followed by another tweet that is impossible to stand, but I like to think that "to the muscle"  partis Inui personally addressing Kanno in this tweet. Probably not.

LUCKILY, there are more competent people than me around, and thanks to lostinube on the Sasukemaniacs board I now know that he is talking about the changes to the stages in Sasuke 31:

Source: http://sasukemaniac.proboards.com/post/130996

Makes sense! And that also means that they did NOT select my Motherfucking Cliffhanger as one of the winners for the obstacle competition. So upsetting. :( I knew I should've submitted the Ring of Fire instead ...

I guess we'll have to wait to know exactly what these changes are going to be, buuuut apparently people with better conncetions than me know for sure that the Swap Salmon Ladder is gone, but that the Backstream is staying:

Source: http://sasukemaniac.proboards.com/post/131022

Mmm, good. I mean, because the backstream is such a great measure of athletic abilities that truly captures the spirit of Sasuke and not at all because I like seeing everyone getting out of it all ... wet ...

Um, yeah, right. There are more auditions to come, and you can expect me to cover them as well. But, in the meantime, there are of course a lot of other things on the Ninja Warrior horizon ...