Ninja Warrior SE S02E01 recap

And WE'RE BAAAAAAAAAAACK

Did you miss our recaps? We sure missed writing them! I was talking to Chriss how I don't see why I even pay money to get more TV channels because I only watch Netflix these days, but now I see the error of my ways: how else would I watch Ninja Warrior SE? That's worth paying for if nothing else is.

In season 2 it seems Kanal 5 has decided to up their game, in good and bad ways. The good, we'll get to, but the bad is that it's becoming even more similar to ANW. Like we needed that. Now we have five "regional" try-outs and then everyone will meet in the final. This episode is the Stockholm try-outs, followed by Stockholm stage 2 next week, unless I completely misheard. With five try-outs (Stckholm, Göteborg, Malmö, Umeå and Karlstad) that would result in ten episode of regional try-outs ... and then how many eps for the final?

It's too complicated - what's wrong with just going through all the stages at the same time? It's especially ridiculous since Sweden is a pretty tiny country - I can see why having people fly all over the US doesn't really work, but I'm pretty sure taking the obstacle course all over the country is way harder than just letting the competitors come to Stockholm.

But what do I know?

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

Here's Stockholm stage one, in front of Karlberg Castle. This is where we get to the good: stage 1 is WAY better than last year. Seeing this even my hubris has to take a step back to admit that I might not pass it easily. Possibly not at all. That thought barely occured to me when I watched season one, not until we got to the later stages. I'll post a longer post describing the stage, but for now let's take a look at how people did in the first ep:

There's meant to be 150 contestants, which means we saw about a fifth of them tonight. Of those, ten passed the course, and HALF of them made it to stage 2, because we still have that dumb rule about people not clearing the course making it to the next one so we can fill a certain number. Idk, I'd get that if there was a risk of no one making it past stage one, as sometimes happens in Sasuke, but I think ten would've been a respectable number of passes without consolation places being handed out. Oh well, we've talked about that before ...

First out there's Dana Star:

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

I don't mind the cockiness, but dude, you've got some way to go before you're reaching true ninja levels:

Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty ...

Of course, Dana seems aware of this, later saying:

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

"I think I'm 90% ninja."

Chriss screamed "EXCUSE YOU, WE ARE 150% NINJA" and I think if he had been 60 % units more ninja he might not have been the first (but certainly not last) victim of the Gummi Bridge. My consolation prize to him is that at least he had the best name of the first ep!

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

Our first clear of the evening is Askia Linder, who is describe by commentator Adam Alsing as a "looking like a mix between Groucho Marx and Borat". Sometimes I don't agree with Adam, but that description is hard to argue with. He looks a bit dorky here, but apparently he is nothing of the sort:

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

During lunch break as a bank man he likes to go to the skatepark and show the kids what's up. Gotta respect that.

We saw ten clears, and two of them are people we remember from last year. Henning Attlin, apparently know as the "guy with the wolf stare" (was that really his nickname last year? I feel I would remember), who quite obviously was eager to try the course again. He did not get the best time and while he tried to play it off I'm sure it pissed him off a little. It's gonna be interesting to see him channel that wolf-rage in second stage, for sure.

And of course, our favourite ninja Alexander Mars was back to defend the title!

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

And we got to see some footage of him taking on Sasuke 31 stage 1, which was awesoooooooooome since he was rudely cut from the Japanese broadcast. Or, well, not rudely, but you know ... we wanted to see him.

Adam then explains that he qualified for American Ninja Warrior where he "got through stage one and two" which is ........ not techincally a lie but also not the truth at all. Unless he was on the actual ANW, which I doubt, we're talking about ANW USA vs The World (in the footage he is wearing his green team Europe outfit), and he didn't pass stage one OR stage two there. He failed the Jumping Spider in stage one and the Crazy Cliffhanger (which wasn't really crazy???) in stage three and didn't get a single point for team Europe. :( Okay, so explaining the complicated rules of USA vs The World in a throwaway line was maybe a bit much, but why not just say he was choosen to compete for Team Europe in USA vs The World?

Anyway, Alexander Mars passed, so no worries there, but as we all know, no one is safe in Sasuke, and no one is safe in Ninja Warrior Sweden either.

Here are the ten guys who passed stage one in Stockholm:

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

And here are the five guys who made it by being the fastest, despite failing. The ... Fast 5. Haha!

Source: http://www.dplay.se/ninjawarrior/

So there you have it, the first episode, quickly summed up! Later this week I'll post a more in-depth post about the new stage one and the obstacles, and Chriss might give you some of our opinions on USA vs The World ... though possibly after we censor it for curse words there might not be much left to post.

Until then ... sayonara ninja lovers!

We're still alive!

Well, sort of. It's just that the swedish summer's gotten to us. And maybe the result of Sasuke 31 as well ... (There were a lot of screaming, depression and excitement involved when we watched it.)

We are planning to write some sort of review of Sasuke 31, and we have plans for a few other blog posts as well, so stay tuned!

Until then, sayonara ninja lovers!

The new obstacles

Okay, so here are the obstacles that have been confirmed by Inui's Twitter for Sasuke 31:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602693337385046017

So, for our first obstacle, we're bringing back the classic Barrel Climb. Personally, I don't really love this one as the start, I think Quintuple Step to Tarzan Rope is way more fun. This one is only fun when people realized they are screwed, lies down and pretty much accepts death. I know it's a classic, but still ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602693975087026176

I can't believe the TACKLE MACHINE is back!? Of all fucking obstacles? This one was in like half a competition back in the 90s, and I just assumed that we all moved on a pretended it was never a thing. But nope, it's back. It does not really fit well into the first stage, you know ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694315194777601

There's supposed to be a third new obstacle on first stage, but so far no one seems to know what that is. I didn't really understand this tweet, but running it through Google Translate made it a little more coherent:

"New third area, "Music Box" was scattered forgot to take photos w

I'm sorry"

My guess is this means the third new first stage obstacle is called Music Box. I know what this means!!!

You know I'm right.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694590068445184

I googled "Salmon Radar", but all I found was this:

Source: http://www.radomes.org

Which means that they're either going golfing (I guess Shingo and Hioki would be happy to hear that!) or they're brining back the Big Boulder:

Source: http://sasukepedia.wikia.com/wiki/%C5%8Cdama

This doesn't seem right. Let's see what Google translate has to say:

"2nd Stage minor renewed salmon ladder to climb and down."

Ooohhh, another Salmon Ladder that you climb up and down. That actually sounds a lot more reasonable, now that you mention it ...

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602694986333704192

Here's something brand-new:  a third stage obstacle called the Sidewinder! I think you grab onto a penis and swing across, but I'm not sure. Unless you spin on them and them jump, but they seem way too far apart for that.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602705993487650816

Here we see that we start with the Drumhopper before getting to Siderwinder. That's cool, I really like the Drumhopper. It's exactly the kind of shit I'm expected from Sasuke third stage.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602695617337380864

And I don't know about you guys but I've always felt the Vertical Limit was waaay too easy, so naturally adding a sideways jump was the only way to go. Like. Of course. Especially after the Crazy Cliffhanger - the obstacle I think they wanted gone because it was too hard??? This makes sense.

Also, notice how the CCH has water underneath it instead of fire, I'm gonna take that as the final proof that I didn't win that obstacle contest ...

Actually ... does any of these obstacles look like something we were shown in that broadcast? I can't find them among my screencaps at least.

Oh, well, we'll have to wait until the broadcast I guess. Until then - sayonara ninja lovers!

What happens on Sasuke, stays on Sasuke ... apparently

Sasuke 31 is over! If I hadn't had Eurovision to worry about (FUCK YEAH SWEDEN), I don't think what I would've done with myself this weekend. Twitter has been way too silent, if you're asking me, but at least we know a few thing. Such as the running order for the contestants, which can be found here in Japanese, or partly translated here. Us hipsters are very happy to see the cute guy Matachi Ryo as #100, though we are also upset that some of our faves are missing entirely, like Wakky, Kinnikun, Lee En-Chih and Mr Octopus Man.

But, our very own Swedish ninja Alexander Mars got #84, which is cool. We are of course hoping he did well, and I did stalk down this pic of him in front of final stage:

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3BjdhOxOAT/

The only American we like Drew Drechsel also took a bunch of selfies, which is not something that can be said for any of the other ninjas. Excuse you!? I refuse to believe there wasn't a single selfiestick present, and I can only assume these are being kept from us for some devious reason. So not fetch.

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3CLm0JC1Pj/

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3CLWgAi1Ow/

Source: https://instagram.com/p/3DG0W1C1Ei/

Since Drew is the only one delivering on the selfie front I'll cheer a little extra for him when I finally get to watch the competition.

Source: https://twitter.com/hanaisensehi/status/602723569240379392

Oh, and Inui retweeted these two. I don't know who they are (except one is an atlethe?), but they look awesome and dare I dream about a girl clearing first stage again???

Here are some more official tweets from the competition:

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602160815383285760

The new start line! And apparently they were up until 2 pm... wait that's not right. I'm assuming it's actually 2 am. People were apparently happy, so good for them!

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602404114492837888

For this we can conclude that they did first and second stage during the first day, and then had to wait until it was dark the second day to finish filming the last two stages.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602408610820280320

As far as I know Sasuke is usually filmed during one day, but here it's explained that it's been split into two days for safety reasons. I guess that isn't as hardcore, but it's not as third and final stage would EVER be easy, even with some rest beforehand...

Source: https://twitter.com/cocona201345/status/602434769016655872

While everyone talked about the next day of filming, Shingo tweeted about his newly opened gym. Does this mean he wasn't there the second day, or is he just trying to throw us off???

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602442549106647041

Third stage! At least we know someone got there. Actually ...

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/602528383054950401

It seems confirmed that someone even reached final stage! I can't even begin to list the people I want there, but Asa and Ryo are high on the list (especially Asa. I will cry if he doesn't make it past the crazy cliffhanger this year) ... and let's be real, I would love for Alexander Mars to get there too, but fuck if I think he will. The Swedish Ninja Warrior course just isn't enough preparation for Sasuke.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/602552757388648449

And then it was over! Out of nowhere. It seems to have gone well, and even if we don't know if someone will Kanzenseiha (no I don't think that's a verb, no I don't care) this year, we will get to see all four stages which is AWESOME.

Inui also tweeted about some of the new obstacles, but you'll have to wait for my post on those until tomorrow. There are rumors floating around saying Sasuke 31 will be broadcast on July 1st, but as far as I can tell that's not confirmed yet. We will keep you posted!

Until then ... sayonara ninja lovers!

It's so close we can taste it

Sasuke 31 starts taping in FIVE DAYS. That's in no time at all!

As if things weren't real enough, THEY ARE CONSTRUCTING THE STAGES NOW. Yesterday there was even a Nico Nico broadcast where they showed the assembly of Final Stage, but of course I totally missed out on that by sleeping through it. I thought the point of liking a Japanese show was that things would not air in the middle of the night??? Okay so it wasn't actually middle of the night, but who is awake at 6 am on a Saturday? Not me, that's for sure.

Oh, well, luckily there's a good recap of it over at Rambling Rican's, so I know what I missed, which wasn't much. Not many surprises there: I didn't expect Akiyama or Bunpei to show up, nor any of the other older competitors. I won't miss the Hedgehog or Long Jump too much either, and I'm glad that there's at least one Warped Wall! Now, if they could just bring back Half-Pipe Attack, aka the best First Stage obstacle ever, that would be awesome.

Anyway, we are not the only ones who are excited! I took to Twitter to see how our favourite competitors are preparing for the competion next week:

Source: https://twitter.com/urushiharayuuji/status/599150097469820929

Urushihara and a mysterious masked man took to the pool for some Backstream-training. Hmm, I wonder who THAT could be ...

Source: https://twitter.com/urushiharayuuji/status/599212985693773824

Nice, hooray! Yeah, I don't think anyone was surprised by that reveal. We all know this obstacle is their nemesis ...

Sorry, but this was the greatest moment in television history and no one can tell me differently.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/599383415670976512

The start of the final stage construction! It's weird, because I know I read somewhere that Final Stage construction doesn't start until they're sure people will actually compete in it, but I always thought that sounded like total bullshit and now I know it's not true. It is finished in just a day though!

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/599466549510975488

Words cannot describe how excited I am for the steel muscle festival!

Source: https://twitter.com/37Mistr/status/599801980173684736

Oh, and more great news: MR SASUKE IS NOW ON TWITTER. I haven't told Chriss this yet, because I wanted to dramatically reveal it on the blog. He's not competing, but the black tigers are and seems to be ready! I hope they do well, they have been a bit disappointing in the last Sasukes. I'm also kinda glad Mr Sasuke is not competing, because that means he won't be cut like last year.

Source: https://twitter.com/hiokimasashi/status/599595067536379904

Of course Urushihara is eating Shingo's wife's homemade cake, that guy tweets about food 90% of the time. I didn't screen print it but I'm pretty sure I also saw Kanno saying something about drinking beer for protein. The Sasuke diets are very interesting. Shingo himself seems to mostly be talking about the gym he's about to open and not preparing too much, but then again we all know that no amount of training is going to save him from Shingo'ing it up at some point...

Source: https://twitter.com/hitoshi_kanno/status/599729345742024704

I don't know what this means, but whatever. This is the amount of selfies we're already getting, and even though we won't know the results of Sasuke 31 for months I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE AMOUNT OF SELIFES THAT WILL BE TAKEN. I will be fucking pissed if no one brings their selfie stick to the competition to give us at least SOMETHING.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/599816233177853952

Someone went to pray for a good Sasuke and safe competitors. Good idea, we do want to see spectacular fails and clears, but we don't want people to actually hurt themselves while they're at it. Except for Torisawa Katsuhide, of course, but hurting himself is kinda his thing.

Source: https://twitter.com/fujinosasuke/status/599854542235111424

The final adjustments! I'm not sure what the bathing is about, but Green Mountain of course means Midoiryama so I think we all know what they're preparing for. I think this is Kanno Hitoshi, Kishimoto Shinya (third stage in Sasuke 30), Kawaguchi Tomohiro (final stage in Sasuke 30) and Nagasaki Shunsuke (also third stage in Sasuke 30). Though why an earlier tweet from Nagasaki Shunsuke was in Chinese I don't know ...

Well, that's it for now, but I'm sure we'll all just be more and more psyched for the next few days. I'm extremely jealous of anyone who gets to go see it being taped, but you know ... next year I'll win Ninja Warrior SE and then I'll be there, so it's okay. For now let's just wish Rambling Rican a nice trip, and hope that Alexander Mars does GREAT in the competition as well. We're rooting for you, Alexander!! We're all rooting for you!

But until we know more ... Sayonara ninja lovers!

Sasuke 31: Tokyo audition

With absolutely no warning or heads-up at all, the Tokyo audition took place this morning. Well, it was morning for me, at least, I think maybe midday in Tokyo. Anyway, they could have given us a hint or something, and not just flung this at me first thing I see when I wake up. This is the kind of thing my fangirl heart can't handle.

Anyway, this means it's time for another round of what-the-fuck-is-Bing-translate-trying-to-tell-me, our favourite game!

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586692612163108864

Okay, so good auditions in Tokyo, I get that. And "Done within SASUKE Holy Green Mountain Studio", sounds like it's actually happening at the Midoriyama Studio, aka where they are shooting Sasuke. Midoriyama means Green Mountain, which I'm sure you all know and I'm also sure you're all laughing at the Americans for calling Final Stage Mt. Midoriyama. RIGHT? (Shout-out to Sweden for at least dropping the unnecessary "mount"-prefix)

Anyway, muscles gathered in Osaka? Sounds ... nice.

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586693048437837824

Wait, A COHERENT TWEET? I thought that was just a myth! Anyway, the set-up with the yellow placeholders look the same as they did in Osaka, so that's nothing new.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586696552422342656

Okay, what? Come on, Bing, that's not even a sentence! Running it through Google Translate gives "SASUKE2015 Tokyo audition Or wonder there are any Muscles" which is only slightly more coherent. It was followed by this exchange between Inui Masato and Yamamoto Shingo which had me laughing by the end of it:

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586696552422342656

...not because it's actually funny, but because I was like ???? and then "sounds reasonable to me" appears and I'm like no it doesn't. Google says "you anyway blame variety preparation" but that doesn't make any more sense. All we can say for certain is they talked about something and apparently it made sense to Shingo. Good for him!

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586733402738442240

Wow hot air push-ups! I've never heard of one of those before, but oh well. Are the guys sitting down waiting their turn or did they simply give up? I have no idea.

Source: https://twitter.com/inuimasato/status/586742658908815360

Then Inui tweeted this artwork, which I'd like to name "A public reminder that you can't buy this DVD outside of Japan and will never get to enjoy it". It's a sad artwork. And, I can't help but think that this is a very random assortment of people to feature??? Maybe that's just me ...

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586770767737532417

YES I DEFINITELY WANT SOME HOT SASUKE LOVE FROM THE MUSCLE OF 79 PEOPLE. Like, I'm so here for that all day every day.

(Google translates this to exactly the same thing, so yeah, this is probably what it means. Does it mean 79 people made it to the second interviews? I don't care, I want the hot Sasuke love)

Source: https://twitter.com/sasuke_tbs/status/586880039041413120

Thanks for sticking around-blah blah. Based on the time of the tweets it seems the Tokyo auditions took a lot longer than the Osaka ones?

Source: https://twitter.com/bitansanyuka/status/586881535300673537

Lastly, this tweet with a video from someone who I thiiiink just works with Sasuke somehow? That's what I'm getting from her profile. I think the tweet is telling us that the video is a 6 x original speed ... or people in Japan get freaking weird when they do push-ups. Here it is:

あとで公式にもあげよーっと。 私の渾身の動画！6倍速！！ 今からTBSに帰ります☆今日はSASUKEの東京オーディションにお越しくださり、ありがとうございました！ pic.twitter.com/pRpj3DH5Qn
— ★ぽんゆか★ (@bitansanyuka) April 11, 2015

Aaaand that's what you missed on Twitter this morning! I have no idea what more auditions might happen, but I'll be here and Bing translate will be here, to recap it for you.